omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize