I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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