That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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