I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
