ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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