You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
