i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
