I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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