I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize