found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
