coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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