I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
