Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
