somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
