I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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