dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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