dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Houston, we have a blender
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
