She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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