Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
