i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
