I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
