OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize