I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
