please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
