Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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