please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
