there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
