I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They took my balls.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
