when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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