Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
