At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
