I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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