We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
