first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
