your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
