im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
