actually, I'm a sock model
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
