My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
