Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
