my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
