Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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