Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
