last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
