My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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