he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
