He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
