I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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