Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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