you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
