i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
