Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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