is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
