I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
