He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I understand Curling. That high.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why is there bacon in the couch?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
