I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he shaved USA in his pubs
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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