every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
