is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
