fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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