it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't deserve a penis
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
