I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
