my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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