I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
