when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
