when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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