Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
