i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
