you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So much rum. So many feels.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
