I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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