Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize