We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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