so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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