he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
