Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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