I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
