So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
